Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
