can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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