I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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