At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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