She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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