I'm drive I can fine osifer
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
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