I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
