shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
