I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
