should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
wow bdsm is so cute
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
