38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
