Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
