I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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