Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
