yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
