she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
