you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I am spending my child support on dildos
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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