i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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