A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
two words: eviction party
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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