too bad you live with your parents still
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
