wrigley field is MILF paradise
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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