guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
this hospital has no fireball
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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