Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
