I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
