just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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