you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
