Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
