i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm passing your future prison.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
