Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
