I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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