I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
