I want to have your abortion
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
