my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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