i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
