Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
