i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
