Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
