i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
