So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
