i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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