just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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