can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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