Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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