The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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