we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
