I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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