There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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