Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
