I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
