STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
