Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
There r osticjed everywhere
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
