i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Is it because I queefed?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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