I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
