It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
