you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
