Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
