Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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