Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
