The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
