help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
